Being Jamie Baker Read online

  I probably should have tried to stumble through some kind of fake explanation because it was obvious that I was upset, but I panicked. Being in my position’s not easy, though. I mean how many times has Clark Kent been caught and had to fumble through some stupid explanation? And he’s been dealing with it his whole life. I’ve only been different for a year. And actually, since we moved here, I haven’t had to try to cover anything up yet.

  When I grabbed my bag and walked out of the cafeteria, I prayed that Ryan wouldn’t follow me, just like all the other times I’d walked out on him, but no such luck today. He wasn’t exactly inconspicuous about it either.

  “Jamie, wait!”

  I quickened my pace, hoping I could at least get out of earshot of the curious spectators of the cafeteria, but Ryan grabbed my arm just as I got out the door. “Will you stop?” he pleaded. “I’ve been going crazy since you kissed me.”

  “It was just a kiss, Ryan, that’s it! It didn’t mean anything. I might have gotten a little carried away, but it had to look good if it was going to be in front of the whole school.”

  I glanced around nervously, and he finally realized that I didn’t want anyone to hear this conversation because he lowered his voice and began walking me away from any people. “Just a kiss?” he asked incredulously. “I’ve never felt anything like it.”

  I tried to compose myself and smirked as best I could. “Are you trying to say you thought there were sparks?”

  “Oh, there were definitely sparks! That kiss was hot. But that’s not what I’m talking about. It’s like I was charged up like a battery or something. I went home, ran five miles on the treadmill, and still couldn’t sleep until four in the morning.”

  “So you got a little excited.”

  “You had to have felt it too. Maybe that’s what they mean by chemistry.”

  “We don’t have chemistry, Ryan.”

  “Well, I say we do.”

  “Well, I say you’re wrong.”

  I tried to walk away again but he stopped me. “Then prove it. Kiss me again and tell me you feel nothing.”

  “No.”

  “Aren’t you even a little curious?”

  Man, that must have been quite the superkiss for him too because the poor guy was trying so hard. I actually really wanted to do it. I was probably more curious than he was, but I simply couldn’t get involved with someone. Ever.

  I’d thought about that every day since I realized I was different, and the superpowered life is a lonely one indeed. I totally understand now why the heroes in the comics are always so grumpy and depressed. They can’t live their lives. I can’t get involved with Ryan no matter how much I might want to. I have too big a secret, which he can’t find out.

  Even back when the accident first happened, before I realized I had powers, the doctors ran all these tests trying to figure out how I had survived, and within hours there were reporters and scientists knocking on my door. There was even this one tabloid journalist that became obsessed and started stalking me. He didn’t even know about my powers, and I had to move clear across the country to get away from him. Imagine if someone found out that I could run the round trip from Sacramento to New York in ten minutes. The stalkerazzi would be the least of my worries. The government would be here with machine guns and giant plastic bubbles. I don’t exactly want to be experimented on like I’m from Mars.

  “You see?” Ryan accused, breaking me from my obsessive thoughts when I didn’t answer him. “You are curious!”

  Ryan reached his hand out to my cheek like he was going to kiss me again, and I immediately jumped back. I should have been cold to him, the way I was to Mike, but Mike made it easy, and I was finding Ryan extremely hard to resist. “I can’t,” I gasped, and then realized that I would never convince him to stop trying if I couldn’t sound like I meant it. “I won’t!”

  He gave me this look, and it was so sad that for the first time since this whole Ryan thing started, I wished he still had that annoying happy-go-lucky attitude. “Why do you do this to yourself?” he asked.

  His tone was genuinely one of utter confusion, but it wasn’t his voice that upset me, or the sad expression on his face clearly showing that he pitied me, it was the question itself. It meant that I was doing something to myself, and whatever it was, was a bad thing. And he said it like I have some kind of choice. That was the worst part. I didn’t ask for this to happen to me. It’s not like I want to do this to myself.

  His question made me so bitter that my body started trembling with anger. I could barely choke out a reply. “That’s not your problem.”

  “Okay, I’m sorry.” He backed off, startled by my sudden mood swing. “But this paper is my problem, and I don’t feel comfortable cheating, so will you at least help me out and give me a little to work with?”

  I felt terrible. I mean, deep down, he actually wasn’t a bad guy. He deserved a little more respect than I was giving him, and mostly I just hated to think that I’d in some way crushed those impossibly happy spirits of his. I was already depressed, confused, scared, and angry at the world. I didn’t need to feel guilty on top of it. “Fine,” I said, and then took a minute to compose myself as I scribbled my address on a piece of paper and placed it in his hand. “If you really want to get to know me, be there Friday night, right around nine.”

  “Friday night? But that’s the homecoming dance.”

  “Exactly.”

  “But—but,” he stammered, “it’s our senior homecoming, and I’m supposed to be there. I’m nominated for king. If you’re not busy, why don’t you just go to the dance with me? You should be there as much as I should.”

  “I know it’s a big night for you, but that’s why it has to be then.” I was finally able to force a small smile. “If you haven’t noticed, I don’t exactly let people in. It’s kind of a trust issue. If you expect me to break the rules for you, then I have to know how bad you want it.”

  Ryan examined the paper in his hand with my address on it. I wasn’t sure if I had just made a really stupid decision or not, but as much as I hoped he wouldn’t show, a part of me really wanted him to come. “I don’t expect you to be there,” I said, “but I’m not likely to give second chances either, so think about it and I’ll see you Friday. Maybe.”

  * * * * *

  CHAPTER 3

  It was an impulsive decision, and one that I couldn’t take back. I’m not sure how Ryan got me to invite him over, but when he was standing right there, talking about chemistry and wanting to kiss me again, it’s like he was the one with superpowers and he Jedi mind-tricked me into handing over my address.

  I even started to believe it was a good idea until I caught him staring at me at lunch the next day and realized that he might actually take me up on my offer. He was sort of smiling, but he mostly just looked like he was trying to figure me out. I felt like I was going to be sick, and I must have looked it too, because he stopped staring and actually patted the table as if he was offering me the empty seat next to him.

  I looked at him like he was out of his mind and not just for show. It was honestly a crazy suggestion, and I wasn’t the only one who thought so. Becky was the first to glance my way, and when she gasped, she caught Paige Shultz’s attention. When Paige realized what Ryan had done, she accidentally sprayed the soda in her mouth all over Tamika Larson.

  Paige and Tamika are sort of Becky’s ladies-in-waiting. They’re best friends and constantly talk about Becky behind her back, but they put up with her because of how close she is with Ryan. (No one is more in love with Ryan than Paige. The way she rattles on about him to anyone that will listen is nauseating.)

  “What the freak?” Tamika grumbled as she tried to wipe the sticky beverage off her arms. “It’s a good thing this is your shirt, Paige.”

  “Jamie Baker—are you crazy?” Paige hissed at Ryan, instead of apologizing to, or even answering Tamika. “What if she comes over here?”

  Ha! Even with the pout Ryan was giving me th
ere was no way I was ever going to join them.

  “Well, considering that’s kind of the point of the invitation,” Ryan said, “I hope she does.”

  I suddenly had all of the most popular kids in school staring at me. It was the only time in my life I was glad I am the only freak with deathly powers, because I’m sure any one of those girls would have loved to go supervillain on me just then, especially when Mike laughed and told them all to take pity on his poor horny friend. “Aw, cut the man some slack. Did you see what Baker did to him? I’m jonesin’ for her myself after that kiss.”

  All the guys at the table roared with laughter, and Ryan draped his arm around Mike. “Amen, Mikey,” he said. “Who knew the Ice Queen could be so incredibly hot?”

  I guess I’m not the only person with superpowers after all. Mike apparently has the ability to lower Ryan’s IQ. Morons.

  Anyway, I knew Paige, being scary in love with Ryan, wouldn’t like that answer, and I was sure Tamika was going to have to catch her when the poor thing passed out from heartbreak. But Paige had a little more attitude than I gave her credit for. Instead of going into shock when Ryan waved at me again to come over, she actually gave me a look three times more evil than the glare Becky was burning into me.

  That’s when I turned my attention back to my lunch. Or at least I turned my eyes away. I couldn’t really tune them out completely, and even if I could, it was kind of hard to ignore Paige’s next comment.

  “You can’t possibly want to hook up with that slut?”

  I found it ironic that Paige was calling me the promiscuous one, when everyone knew she’d been with pretty much the entire football team at one point or another. I didn’t have time to get mad, though, because just as soon as the word escaped her lips Ryan defended me. “Jamie’s not a slut. It was just one kiss, and she only did it because I asked her to.”

  “Was mounting you in front of the whole school part of the plan?” Paige asked. “The freak practically ripped your clothes off!”

  Okay, I knew that was going to haunt me. And when Paul Warren said, “I’d let her mount me any day,” making all jocks present laugh and high-five one another, I cringed inwardly. I didn’t really care if every girl in the school thought I was easy, but the last thing I needed was more guys trying to hook up with me.

  Again, though, I didn’t have any time to worry about it, thanks to Ryan. “Hey, that wasn’t really her fault,” he said. “She didn’t know how irresistible I was when she agreed to kiss me.”

  I couldn’t believe he’d said that, but I think he only did it to bug Paige because he smirked at her and said, “Besides, if one little kiss makes her a slut, I’d hate to know what that makes you.”

  I guess I wasn’t the only one who thought the pot was calling the kettle black. Ryan’s comment shut Paige right up, and I’d have kissed him again for that one had I been standing there, but Becky and Tamika didn’t appreciate it the way I did. They pulled Paige to her feet and called Ryan a not-so-nice name before making a very dramatic exit from the cafeteria.

  When I finally glanced over at Ryan, my heart just about stopped because he was staring right at me. He was confused but intrigued, and I realized that I was laughing along with Ryan’s dumb jock buddies. He’d just caught me following a conversation I technically shouldn’t have been able to hear.

  I instantly wiped the smile from my face and went back to eating my lunch, cursing myself for being such an idiot. I was so upset that I didn’t notice when Ryan got up and made his way across the cafeteria to me. I actually wasn’t pulled from my panic attack until his voice was right behind me.

  “Jamie, if you heard that back there, I’m really sorry. Why don’t you come over and eat lunch with me? I’ll introduce you to everybody and give them a chance to redeem themselves. The guys are all just as curious about you as I am, you know.”

  He didn’t seem to wonder how I heard him, he just felt bad that I did, so I started to calm down a little. “Of course they’re curious. They all think they can get into my pants now.” The look on Ryan’s face made me feel bad for saying that, so I added, “I really don’t care if everyone thinks I’m a slut.”

  “Well, I do. I asked you to kiss me. It’s my fault Paige said that about you, and I don’t want the whole school thinking it.”

  That surprised me, and it was kind of sweet, so I couldn’t stop my face from softening a little, no matter how much I wanted to stay mad.

  Oddly enough, the cocky smile Ryan gave me when he realized that he was getting to me made it a lot easier to keep focused when he tried to get charming on me again. He was standing there with this cute little hopeful pout and said, “Whether you’re upset or not, I feel bad, so how can I make it up to you?”

  “You really want to make it up to me?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Then stop talking to me before other people start to think it’s okay. Please. I don’t want to have to get mean.”

  I grabbed my things and walked out the door before he could argue with me. I didn’t even wait to see him frown. I couldn’t—I was too weak around him.

  I didn’t want to have to live up to my reputation this time because shockingly enough, Ryan actually seemed to be a pretty decent guy. He shouldn’t really have to be punished for wanting to get to know me. And to be honest, had our kiss been a normal one, I might have considered letting him talk to me occasionally.

  But the fact that he was charming and I was mildly attracted to him only made us a hopeless case. We couldn’t have a relationship, and I couldn’t have him asking why that was, so I didn’t see how any kind of friendship was going to work.

  Ryan didn’t speak to me the rest of the week. We made eye contact quite a bit, but I’m not sure if I caught him looking at me, or if maybe it was the other way around this time. Either way, I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to show up at my house, and I was surprised that I felt almost as much disappointment about that as I did relief. I think that’s why, come the day of homecoming, I decided to go to my first school sporting event since I moved here.

  I didn’t actually go to the game. I watched from a hilltop just about a mile away, but that may as well be a seat on the sidelines for me. I don’t have eyesight quite like Superman because I can’t see through things, but it’s definitely more than your average twenty-twenty vision. I think of it as having built-in binoculars with super zoom control. Even at a mile away I could see the cute little excited smile Ryan got on his face every time he threw a good pass.

  Our team won the game, and even though I was happy for Ryan, it proved to be just as unexciting for me as I thought it would be. Pretty much the only good thing I got from going was hearing an interesting conversation between Becky, Ryan, and Mike. I was about to go home when Becky asked Ryan about the dance, and I couldn’t help but listen.

  “Are you riding in the limo with us tonight?” she asked.

  “I’m not sure yet,” Ryan replied.

  “Who are you going with, anyway?”

  “I’m actually dateless tonight.”

  “You’re going stag? Why?”

  “Well, I knew how much Mike wanted to go with you, so I took one for the team.”

  The flirty little “Aw” he got from Becky made me want to puke, but it was worth it to see the look on her face when Mike said, “Plus, he wanted to take Jamie, but she turned him down.”

  I couldn’t tell if Becky looked disgusted or insulted, but she didn’t try to hide her horror as she gasped, “You asked Jamie Baker to homecoming?”

  I waited for Ryan to deny it or defend himself with some BS excuse about feeling bad for me or something, but he didn’t. He just smiled as he slumped his shoulders in a guilty shrug and said, “Twice actually. But don’t worry, she told me to get lost.”

  “Yeah, rejected him like he was a fat guy in a Speedo,” Mike added, laughing hysterically as he elbowed Ryan.

  Becky was far too concerned for her friend to share Mike’s laughter. “You’re
not seriously trying to hook up with that girl, are you?”

  “I don’t know, maybe. I think I’m still trying to decide if she would be worth the hassle.”

  I answered “No” every bit as forcefully as Becky did, and, sadly, our depictions of me weren’t that different. Basically, she said I was a freak with issues, but in not such nice words. She was right, though, and Mike seemed to agree, but Ryan defended me. Well, sort of. “I’m sure there’s a decent human being buried under all that hostility somewhere,” he said.

  “Are you kidding?” Becky asked.

  “Nope,” he replied cheerfully. “I think she may have a bit of a soft spot for me too. Why else would she have kissed me like that? I bet I could break her down eventually.”

  That cocky little…

  I thought about smacking him upside the head for that—I’m fast enough that he’d never know what hit him. But on second thought, the boy did get me to kiss him, invite him home, and go to my first football game in more than a year, without even breaking a sweat.

  Apparently I had quite the little crush, and as I stood there asking myself what was with me and quarterbacks, Becky went all soap opera with a big cheesy sigh. “Oh, Ryan,” she said, shaking her head as if she were so much older and wiser than him. “You want my advice? Stay far, far away. Not only would she kill your reputation, but you could do so much better.”

  “I don’t know, man,” Mike disagreed. “I say go for it. Jamie Baker’s hot and basically impossible to crack. If you could get with her, you’d be a legend around this place.”

  That was the point in the conversation where I started to get mad. It wasn’t the fact that Mike was telling Ryan he should nail me for bragging rights, but Ryan laughed with him about it, which meant he either liked the idea of nailing me, or the idea of being revered as some sort of high school god for it. Knowing him? Both.

  Whatever the reason, I’d learned my lesson. Ryan Miller might be charming, but he certainly would not be “breaking me down” anytime soon.